Break Through, I Hope

Excuse the near duplicate of a previous picture. At least I had my eyes open in the other one. But I wanted to see Megan's smile which reminds me of the excitement we felt yesterday after she had worked hard on my index finger. It has been very stiff. During our time together Thursday, I heard a pop and suddenly the finger could curve down into my palm which it had not been doing before while working with hand therapy. We surmise that I had scar tissue around a 30+ year-old injury to the palm of that hand and finally something gave way which allowed more flexibility. At last! I was getting pretty discouraged about things but something did happen in that moment and I almost got tears in my eyes. Well, truthfully, I did have tears in my eyes but hid them pretty fast. We were both happy! This weekend I get to play with clay. It takes me back to childhood fun which isn't a bad thing to focus on while doing hand exercises!

Grandma's Joy

“And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend (GR. Translation: Cause to stumble) one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”

Why do I have empathy for children? Perhaps it was a gift from the pre-existence. Maybe it has to do with having vivid memories of my childhood. Or maybe it comes from some memories, which are cloudy and black, of having grown up the victim of incest. Whatever the reasons, this quote reverberates with me on a deep level. So much so, that recent events in the news have been extremely troubling. I won’t go into the political ramifications, the rightness and/or wrongness of circumstances as they have developed except to say that I am grateful that my growing up was tempered by genuine, healthy love from some of the people around me and that I grew up "in the world" not isolated from it. I am also glad that my great-grandfather chose to follow the prophet at the time of the Manifesto. That, too, is a complicated story. It is not a tidy package, wrapped up neatly. There are always consequences to whatever decisions are made. So why do I choose this photo today? Because, even in the midst of trials, there is joy to be found, and because May 1 is Stephanie’s 10th birthday. Her arrival and subsequent life has brought a lot of joy to this family. On the evening this picture was taken, Stephanie was ready to leave for her dance recital. The shirt was part of her outfit. It was a joyful occasion to be a part of. And this Grandma feels joy every time she sees Stephanie and other children being treated with respect. It is very hard to be a parent (or even grandparent, for that matter). Life is so immediate and the rewards of loving choices can seem very far away. The challenges now are multiplied greatly since my children were young but my memory of how hard it can be remains with me. So here’s to all the people who are making the effort to help the children of today learn how to experience deep joy, now and forever. And, by the way, Happy Birthday Stephanie! Is this the first time it snowed on your special day?

The Princess of Cedar City

From the time I was very young I had panic attacks when my parents left to go somewhere. By the time I was 8 or 9, I'm sure it was inconvenient for my parents, to say the least. My mother decided to get me a pet. I think she liked cats herself, so that was what she found for me through a newpaper want ad. The cat did seem to fill a lonely place in my heart. There wasn't much said about neutering house pets in those days, so he occasionally went off on his route. He was black and white and quite patient with me. For the most part he was there when I got home from school or play and he was there when I was left with a baby sitter. The panic didn't totally go away, but became manageable. I still have a great fondness for cats so when we discovered Aunt Fran had a cat, I was pleased. As you can see, Princess is beautiful. At the time this photo was taken she was still quite kittenish. Art was able to get her to dance following the sunlight reflected from his watch as he turned his arm this way and that. Often she would leap so high that it was hard to get a good shot. I really like this one. I think of this picture of Princess as the essence of what it is to be a cat.

I adore cats!

Hear No Evil

One day when Brittany and Stephanie were here they came into the office where Art and I were talking. They sat down at my desk, on a rolling office chair, Stephanie on Brittany's lap. For some reason, they began the "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" thing. I took several photos until they got so rambunctious with each other that it stopped being fun for them (and for us as grandparents!). Watching them, then reviewing the photos later, made me think of my own childhood in California. I remember being at my grandparents after my uncle came home from the navy in WW II. I have a glimmer of a memory of a set of little monkeys on a shelf . I think they were sitting on their haunches, one with hands covering eyes, another covering ears, another his mouth. Someone told me that these three little characters represented a good way to think about things. As that fit right into the family pattern of denial, I accepted the belief quite readily. As I ponder today, I wonder about finding a balance. Surely there is wisdom in the avoidance of snap judgments which so often turn out to be false judgments. And just as surely, in a world where evil is evident all around us, there is wisdom in seeing, hearing and speaking up about what is wrong and about what we can do to change it. So maybe another time when Brittany and Stephanie are a bit rowdy and feisty, I will try to find another way to redirect their energy rather than shutting them down. After all, it takes strong women and men to face the world we live in today. As it always has.